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Sunday, February 6, 2011

TRANSsuperFORMERSbowl (It's Subliminal Messagin')

So, the Superbowl was on today. And football and stuff...MOVIE TRAILERS! Transformers: Dark of the Moon aired a freaking movie trailer that could not have been longer than 20 seconds and holy hell, the nerd inside of me jizzed.

Last year's Superbowl wielded the trailer for the commercially successful, critically failing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. This years trailer follows a similar theme as last year, showing a series of clips, with a deafening, near siren-ish noise drowning out the noise of the ensuing Bayhem. However, last year's clips were so randomly strewn together that the teaser felt like it was all over the place, as if there was no plot or premise to last ROTF [oh wait there wasn't (oh the lulz)].

That brings me to point numero uno. EACH and EVERY clip featured in this trailer is from the final battle of the movie in what is assumed to be Chicago (the filming location for said final battle). Based on the damage of the scenery and buildings. I'd assume the bombardment begins at night, and lasts til the next morning (pretty legendary).  I really liked the clip featuring the Decepticon airships attacking the city. It evoked images of kaiju-esque cinema where those cheesy UFOs would shoot noodle looking lasers at plastic buildings.

Needless to say, you're may be wondering where dem ships be coming from. According to the previous announcement trailer Bay released, TFs exist on the moon. According to rumors (-----SPOILERS-----) the present day Autobots and Decepticons (-----TURN BACK NOW MORTALS-----) are racing to (-----"THE VIRGINITY OF YOUR EXPERIENCE WITH UPCOMING TRANSFORMERS RELEASES IS AT FATAL RISK"-----Vangelus) the moon because something of some importance is up there. Whether or not it's this airfleet of presumably ancient cyber blimps is up for us to find out, but it's fruit for thought. Needless to say, the Decepticons weaponize these cyber blimps for evil purposes and, if history is a good enough precedent, logic (hoho) would dictate that the one leading this assault would be Shockwave, the new TF3 villain! The Generation 1 (80s) Shockwave was essentially the dictator of an uninhabited Cybertron, tasked to monitor the planet in Megatron's absence. The utterly logical, calculating Shockwave would very much be the one to hatch a plan of this scale.


Next point! There are some crazy-ass things going on in the battlefield below. It appears that Ironhide gets in a head on collision with two Chevy Tahoes customized to look like police cars. These Tahoes are Decepticon  enforcers, rumored to be called the Dreads. There's also a veeeeeeeeeeeeeerrry sketchy rumor that an Autobot will bite the dust in this battle. And the fandom thinks it'll be veteran veteran, Ironhide. a logical choice. He's been a badass throughout the entirety of the movieverse franchise, so his death would be quite impacting. I'd like to think that Ironhide could take on one Dread with ease, but perhaps not two. According to leaked toy photos, the Dreads feature some wicked mandibles, not only on their face, but on their backs. These huge ass claws could crush the light out of some dude. Perhaps Ironhide will barely make it out of that confrontation.

OKIE DOKEY! The spoilers march on. We also get a glimpse of some funky looking things. Featured in the trailer is a bird thing we (the fandom) assume is Laserbeak, a minion of Soundwave. Soundwave has been confirmed to appear on set in the battle of Chicago, so it's not unlikely that Soundwave dispatched Laserbeak to do evil minion sh-t. Even more interesting is Laserbeak's presumed target.
The car this mofo is going after is a nice-ass car. John Turturro's character, Seymour Simmons, is rumored to have struck it rich, as he was seen on set driving a Maybach, which is no easy car to come by. Equally probable is that this car belongs to the new character...Dylan. Some dude. Apparently he does important technology stuff, but he's a human so... NO. Let's actually talk 'bout this. Patrick Dempsey, who's playing Dylan, stated that his character is dark and stuff. A set photo had Dempsey pointing a gun towards Shia. Dylan's technological prowess {he's rumored to have created the Wreckers as an Earth experiment [I personally don't buy that one (Rather, I think he made the "MechTech" in conjunction with "Wheeljack")]}, and his dark motives make him an excellent Decepticon target. Who knows? Michael Bay...

A lot of misc. extras pop up in the final battle, ala ROTF. These guys don't matter and are just cannon fodder. Let's take a look. On the Autobot side is a green and white Ratchet, and a Bumblebee. No news there. The Decepticons feature a recolored Brawl from the first movie. T'was a really cool model. Glad they're still putting it to use. On top of that, there are a a few protoforms, nakey Transformers that chilled in Egypt in TF2. Yay. And there's the dude in the back left who appears to have a knife arm and one eye. Let me tell you why this isn't Shockwave.

1) Shockwave isn't gonna get ripped up by OP in his fly-by.
2) Shockwave has a much taller stature. He has a neck.
3) This poser's not even purple.

Ok. The real highlight of this was seeing a powered up Optimus Prime tear sh-t up. Optimus is sporting some fancy ass equipment there. The trailer that he totes in vehicle mode transforms into a sweet jetpack, as well as assorted weaponry which Optimus utilizes in different ways, picking 'em up and droppin' 'em off like this is a game of Counter a boss. Look at that OP. Doin' a flyby, droppin' his jetpack, now sporting two guns, shooting while doin' a 360, shootin' up Longhaul, ejecting his sword mid firing, impaling Sideways, flipping him around and tossing him to the ground then dropping them guns and sheathing the next sword and swiping the next dude's legs out from under him. Boss.

Among the people OP tears up are Long Haul and Sideways, two models from the second movie. New Decepticons are looking sparse, especially in comparison to the Autobots. Truly, there are only seven big Decepticons confirmed (Megs, Starscream, Soundwave (and co.), Shockwave, the Dreads, a helicopter, an armored car), as opposed to the Autobot's growing cast.

And then there's that weird drill tentacle thing. Who knows what they're drilling for? Is it just a destructive drill, or is there an actual purpose to this thing? Who knows? If it's the latter, that makes me

Anyways, it was cool...

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